Outlander and Women with Heart
In response to an article about "A Woman's Circle of Friends" that I'd included an issue of The Goddess Path Newsletter, a woman named Lynn emailed me a poignant response and allowed me to share it in the next issue. Other subscribers responded (See initial comments to this post) to her dilemma.Here's what Lynn said:
All my life, I've heard about the wonderful friendships women have. I'm a woman. But I'm probably not your friend.
Let me tell you who I am...I am the woman you will tell your troubles to in the line at the store...the one who will listen and empathize. But then you will smile, and maybe say thanks, but never ask my name.
I am the one who will walk out of the school with you and two other moms after a project in our children's classroom, and will hear you invite the other moms over for lunch, but will not be included.
I am the one who will hear all about the great scrapbook retreat you and another woman went to, and how you can't wait to do it again. But you will never ask me if I would like to join you.
I am the one you will tell all about your big, crazy Thanksgiving family dinners, and maybe you'll even ask to borrow a recipe or a baking pan, but even though I have no family within a thousand miles, you will not invite my child and me to join you because after all, we're not family.
I am the one with the book you need to borrow, the name of the doctor or Realtor you want to find, the one with information on the new restaurant, places to go on your vacation, or the website to help with your child's project. I am the one who can pick up your child when you're running late, pitch in when another mom didn't show for the gift wrapping table at the school holiday market, or hold your hand when the doctor's news is scary.I am the one who will ask you over to lunch, only to have you cancel...twice.
I am the outsider, the not-from-around-here, the stranger in your midst. I am educated, well dressed, well mannered, and literate. I am a woman, a mom, a neighbor But I do not go to your church. I do not celebrate the same holidays you do. I was not born here. I did not grow up here. I am a woman with no friends.
You tell me of the wonders of women's friendships. But you never see my tears. Do you even see me?
2 comments:
I have great empathy for Lynn....Perhaps she should join an organization with other women to start nurturing the wonderful relationships.
Ideas:
Call the woman who borrowed the book, suggest starting a book group.
Set up a coffee at her house with all the people that call her for the Dr.s' numbers etc.
Sign up for a scrapbooking class at the local community center.
Start her own holiday tradition at her house with people she meets that also do not have family in the area.
Many times, the friendships we have are due to the fact that we created them, nurtured them, reached out for them...not just waited for them.
I would like to respond to Lynn.
Thank you for being you. Thank you for taking the time to recognize the pain that others experience. Thank you for sharing that pain and lightening the load of others.
Please embrace how Special you are and the gifts that you possess. Yes, gift! While I can understand the loneliness of being on the outside, it is because you are special. People like us are healers, maybe not doctors or psychologists but healers just the same. It is our gift that we fix people and let them go. The people you help are like injured birds. You give them what they need and then let them fly away. There is a reason that people find you when they are in need; your spirit draws them to you.
I too have experienced that have left me lonely and confused. I am the person that people call in the middle of the night when a loved one is at death's door or their children are in trouble. I am the first person that gets a call to drive all night to pick up someone else's kid from college when things aren't going well. And I am the last person anyone calls when there is a party or someone wants to hang out or go to the beach. So I understand. However, instead of feeling bad about myself or wondering why these other people are so thoughtless, I take solace in the knowledge that I am the person who other people trust with there tears. People trust me enough to tell me their deepest, darkest fears. So, maybe I don't get invited to be "one of the girls" because I hold the secrets.
I am not just "one of the girls". I am SPECIAL and so is Lynn and all the other women who help the world get along by just being ourselves.
Lynn, please stand proud and know in your heart that all of the people that cross your path do so because of your special talent.
In Deepest Admiration,
Elise
Post a Comment